i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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