oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize