Barsexuality is the new black.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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