just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
