they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
