You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
