someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You need Xanax blowdarts
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
