I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
