I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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