Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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