I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
