Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
