He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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