she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
