she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize