Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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