Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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