Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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