he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
