We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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