I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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