she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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