so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
