I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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