So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
