Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
