we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
