there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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