if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
