You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
