I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
