Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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