i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
