just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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