Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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