Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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