Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
