very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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