The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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