...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Houston, we have a blender
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
