part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
