Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
