Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
