Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
