Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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