i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
