At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
