Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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