hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
