What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
