my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize