She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
