You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
