SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
