He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
