I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
