Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
