Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize