There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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