i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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