I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
