Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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