I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
