Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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