I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
